So its been a while since i've last written. the truth is, i just can't seem to find anything to say. Even in my normal, daily life, i find myself at a loss for words that might describe anything of interest or value. My life is good. My life is simple. Every day i wake up, go to rehearsal, come home, rotate between reading a book or going to the gym and then go to sleep. There's nothing too exciting. at least that's how it seems to me. But am i missing something? am i blind to the unexpected joys of my own life? surely there must be something within my days worth talking about. This rehearsal process has certainly pushed me in ways that are new to me. i have been challenged both mentally and physically, and yet, i am completely at peace with it. and there it is. I am at peace. For once in my life, i feel comfortable with where i am at. right now. right here in this moment. Sure, i look forward to what the future might have in store. will next summer involve some traveling? perhaps another mission trip of some kind? is grad school or a new city in the works? All of these questions have crossed my mind and i have politely smiled and nodded my head in acknowledgment as i allow them to walk by on the metaphorical sidewalk of my brain. The truth is, there's no need for me to consider those things just as of yet. there's still too much to appreciate while i am here.
And those are the moments when God chooses to reveal himself. I had every intention of going to church this morning. However, thanks to construction, closed subway lines and traffic, God obviously had other plans and i didnt make it in time for the service. Instead, i spent my morning wandering the streets of Toronto, observing and exploring. 90% of the time, i had no idea where i was or how to get home. But i wasn't planning on heading home anytime soon and therefore did not care that i was lost. As i walked, i spoke with God, reminding him of the many times that i have turned my back on Him, even with in the last day. i questioned His love for me. Did He look down at me and smile? or hang His head in shame, as He rightly should?
Then He reminded me of His grace. As I stood amongst the trees in the park, the sunlight splintered through the leaves, casting green and gold shadows on my face and I understood. "This, is grace," He said to me. "This is my love for you, my child. I love you unconditionally. The sunlight, the breeze, this moment of contentment is evidence of my love for you. Never forget that." and i walked away smiling, because i have an awesome God.
