Its interesting to see what it feels like to face the world alone. i can honestly say that i have never been in this situation before. God has always been faithful in providing me with at least one friend that is very similar to myself in faith and lifestyle. there has always been someone with whom i can sympathize and vice versa. but now....its God and I. I've become introverted again. although, this time around, i cant say thats a bad thing. Instead of taking all my thoughts and desires to myself, i've been taking them to God and in that i can feel my relationship with Him continuing to grow. is it lonely? sometimes. most of the time. but then i think of the apostles: John, Paul, Peter, sitting in their cells, mocked for their faith, with God as their only source of strength. They had friends via letters, similar to myself, but their was no one to lunch with, no one to laugh with, no one to hold them when things were too much to bare - save the hand of God. I have been in love with Gods Word. i let myself disappear in it and there i find solace. and i pray daily for a companion. i know that God will provide me that confidant when the timing is right. but perhaps i need to grow a little in the meantime. things are happening inside of me. the hole is slowly but surely being filled. and despite the ups and downs of the past few weeks, one thing remains forever constant: God is Faithful.

a moment of peace

      So its been a while since i've last written. the truth is, i just can't seem to find anything to say. Even in my normal, daily life, i find myself at a loss for words that might describe anything of interest or value. My life is good. My life is simple. Every day i wake up, go to rehearsal, come home, rotate between reading a book or going to the gym and then go to sleep. There's nothing too exciting. at least that's how it seems to me. But am i missing something? am i blind to the unexpected joys of my own life? surely there must be something within my days worth talking about. This rehearsal process has certainly pushed me in ways that are new to me. i have been challenged both mentally and physically, and yet, i am completely at peace with it. and there it is. I am at peace. For once in my life, i feel comfortable with where i am at. right now. right here in this moment. Sure, i look forward to what the future might have in store. will next summer involve some traveling? perhaps another mission trip of some kind? is grad school or a new city in the works? All of these questions have crossed my mind and i have politely smiled and nodded my head in acknowledgment as i allow them to walk by on the metaphorical sidewalk of my brain. The truth is, there's no need for me to consider those things just as of yet. there's still too much to appreciate while i am here.
       And those are the moments when God chooses to reveal himself. I had every intention of going to church this morning. However, thanks to construction, closed subway lines and traffic, God obviously had other plans and i didnt make it in time for the service. Instead, i spent my morning wandering the streets of Toronto, observing and exploring. 90% of the time, i had no idea where i was or how to get home. But i wasn't planning on heading home anytime soon and therefore did not care that i was lost. As i walked, i spoke with God, reminding him of the many times that i have turned my back on Him, even with in the last day. i questioned His love for me. Did He look down at me and smile? or hang His head in shame, as He rightly should?
       Then He reminded me of His grace. As I stood amongst the trees in the park, the sunlight splintered through the leaves, casting green and gold shadows on my face and I understood. "This, is grace," He said to me. "This is my love for you, my child. I love you unconditionally. The sunlight, the breeze, this moment of contentment is evidence of my love for you. Never forget that." and i walked away smiling, because i have an awesome God.

i'm alive and i'm free, who wouldn't wanna be me.

every journey begins with a step. this particular journey begins with a step towards love, towards passion. after a slight relapse in my all to familiar friend named depression the other night, i took a day dedicated to my God and re-fixed my forgotten priorities. for while i am filled with compassion for others, i frequently struggle with love. i yearn for a day when i may open my heart fully to my friends and love them with every fiber of my being. this is a trait i have been praying for for years. i expressed this desire to God once again, and he simply said to me, "have patience. i am working in you, but it will be slow. it's like a diet. go on a crash diet and you'll gain all that weight back. but this? this is a life style change. this is a change that will be deep and permanent." and so this morning i awoke with the same determination to set my mind on my creator as i had the day before. i sat, and i worshiped and i prayed. and already i feel lighter. i think L.A is going to be very sunny and warm, and its not due to their beautiful weather. no, this joy will come from my heart. and i am very excited for my journey to begin.

let it rain

the rain pours as i look out the window to see a small piece of innocence get washed down the gutter, swirling along with the leaves of yesterday, accompanied by a stranger's leftover garbage. it's not sad, there's no anger in this loss, its just....life. something we have come to accept. maybe that is where the sadness lies. it hides. can i smile at you and give you a hug? maybe i can give you a small piece of me, here take my heart! if only you could know my joy, the lightness that is in my every step thanks to an almighty God. what it must feel like to regain that pride. tired from the incessant treading of the world, bruised and beaten, we fall to the ground in despair and cry out to the sky, "hear my plea!" but we receive silence in return. and as we listen closer, that slight buzzing we once thought was the wind begins to take shape. slowly coming together to form the sounds of a whisper, growing stronger the harder we listen and then there it is. three small words. "HERE I AM". dont ignore it, but run towards it. there are hurdles to jump and dragons to slay, but at the end of that road is a treasure worth every bit of hardship. and He'll be holding your hand the whole way.

my song

the other day i stopped in my tracks, took a look around and said to myself, "this is my life." its so overwhelming that it takes everything in me to not jump around in the street singing (although it doesn't stop me from dancing and singing in my car).  It's in those moments that i feel the creativity in me, the poetry, the music. it's in those moments that the hidden artist within me whispers and begs for me to let her out. She's weak, starved for lack of use. but just as a strong tree starts hidden beneath the ground, so must i allow that innermost angel to stretch and grow, becoming stronger with each year, each use, each song. it isn't easy. i can't know what the results will be. in fact, the results may be worthless in the beginning. left with a pile of creative nothing. a whole lot of cheese and mimicry. but i will continue to exercise my creative gift. like a muscle, pressing on through the pain, forcing myself to take one more step. there are words in my soul. i just need to find the best way to use them. i see the world for what it is. i see the world for what it can be. and it is my one and only wish to reveal these things through my art. i continue to tell myself that i am incapable, but that is the lie that has been poisoning my mind for years and it is time to stop. i have been blessed with opportunities and experiences i never would have thought possible. it is time to celebrate those moments and i will do that through my song, however lackluster it may be in the beginning.

can you hear it?

be true. be new. be you.

i have dedicated myself to a new task: to find something poetic in my every day.


i had a jazz final due today. and as i sat there, my back leaning against the smooth cool glassy mirror, i waited for my turn to present the project that had frustrated my thoughts for the past week and a half. as i watched my friends and classmates, the realization that i had done my project wrong began to creep over the horizon. then with full force, the light shone down on me and screamed, "sucks to be you!" in the past, i may have panicked, burying myself in the ground like a scared mole, hiding and hoping that i would be passed over, giving me the opportunity to redo my project that night. however, today i stood proud, handed over my treasure chest of music commonly referred to as an ipod and took my place before my peers. in that moment i made a decision. i was not doing this for a grade. i was not doing this to create an epic scene of torment and emotion. this dance was for fun. this dance was for me. and that's exactly what i did. for the first time in my jazz final choreographing career i choreographed a dance where i was silly, goofy me. the side of me i rarely let people see. the side of me i love and am finally starting to embrace. i bounced around like a silly girl dancing on her bed to her favorite feel-good song. right or wrong, i had fun and for the first time i can say, "i am proud of my jazz final." and that is all that matters.

be true. be you. be new. life is too short to worry about right and wrong. meet challenges head on and have fun in the process. to live joyfully is a choice. it is taking that step toward ultimate happiness. from now on, no matter the situation, i choose joy.

where does your security lie?

my very core has been rocked. thank goodness my foundation is solid in my Lord Jesus Christ. what do you do when the person you normally look to for guidance, for laughter, for blessings and reminders, no longer looks you in the eye? "i find my security in God and God alone" i repeat over and over. yet there are the doubts that find a way of creeping in. are they lies or conviction? i know im not perfect, but i do my best to let the holy spirit flourish within me so that i might bear all of His fruits. perhaps it is not enough. maybe i am being sensitive. perhaps i am reading to closely into the words that cut away at my joy and leave me in a state of confusion and hurt. did i imagine the shortness of tone? the impatience in your voice? im so sorry if i havnt loved you enough. ill try to do better.
father,

Thank you for your faithfulness. Thank you for your unending love and devotion. Thank you for your promises, for your Holy Spirit who is at work in me. i pray that you would bless me with the supernatural ability to love. i pray for a selfless love. that i would find joy in working for others gain and not my own. grant me patience. grant me joy. i pray that i would find my strength in you and you alone, the one constant in my life, so that in times of worry, sadness or doubt, i can stand firm in the faith and firm in the dignity that you have bestowed upon me. you love me, Lord, and that is all that matters. o what a friend we have in Jesus. Father, i pray that any girl who is doubting her steps right now would look to your face and know that she has a father who loves her very very much, no matter her mistakes or shortcomings. it is a love that the conditional love of the world is no match for. that is where her security lay. heal this broken spirit, Lord. protect us from the enemy's attacks so that our bond of sisterhood in faith may not be broken. strengthen us Lord God. For i am a woman clothed in strength and dignity. thank you Lord Jesus. Amen

greatness is in the eye of the beholder

What does it mean to be great? to some, it is to win a noble peace prize, an olympic medal or an oscar. to some, it is to be the CEO of a giant corporation or perhaps the leader of a nation. But cannot even the person with the simplest life be considered great. what about that mom who drives her son to football practice every afternoon? or the father who looks his daughter in the eye and says, "yes, you are beautiful. don't let any boy tell you otherwise." What about that person who stands behind a table passing out blankets and food to the homeless? we may never know their names. we may never see their faces, but they are great just the same. greatness is not found in our achievements, but in the lives of the people that we serve and inspire along the way. It is found in the struggle. If, at the end of my life, i may look back and say, " i served my family, my nation, and my world in the best way i knew how," then yes, my life will have been great.

"The most important thing in the Olympic Games is not to win but to take part, just as the  most important thing in life is not the triumph but the struggle. The essential thing is not to have conquered but to have fought well." ~ Olympic Creed

"But it is not this way among you. Instead whoever wants to be great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must be the slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”  ~Mark 10:44-45

just stop and think

Just Stop and Think

**Scott Ayres** | MySpace Video

snow-the stuff lives are made of

My world has become a snowglobe. flakes drop and swirl outside, changing the once grey streets of oakland into a world of white. Some find this annoying. many have used the expressions of "gross, i HATE snow!" and the like. but as it is 11 pm and i have no place to be, i find this sudden deluge quite enjoyable. i mean, there are boys snowboarding down my street. that in and of itself puts a smile on my face. but as i was walking home this evening, i watched as God decorated the trees, cars and homes of my friends and stood in glee, taking in the beauty of the sparking dust. The most wonderful thing about a blizzard? the whole world gets kinda quiet. you can sit and look, and for a few brief moments, my life is simple. The air smells fresh, like rain, and every problem just goes away. i can pretend like i'm six-years-old and play in the snow. in fact, tomorrow i think i will do just that. i will pull on my parka, and camp out in the park, building snowmen and making snow angels. those are the moments the lives are made of. twenty years from now, i wont look back at january of '10 and think about that test i had to study for, or that monologue i had to work on. what i will remember is that day when my friends and i built a fort and had an epic snow ball fight. i will remember coming home, making hot chocolate and watching girl movies. yes, those are the moments that my life will be made of.

Beautiful Dreamer

So The Buried Life, MTV's newest reality show, has captivated me. in case you are unaware of this new slice of reality life, allow me to fill you in: four cute and wonderfully charming boys have set off across the country in a large purple bus (appropriatly named Penelope) and are set to cross off items on their "bucket list", that is, the list of things they would like to do before they die. The desires most people have buried deep inside. For every item they cross off their list, they help a stranger cross off something on theirs. Every show ends with the question, "What would you like to do before you die." and so this has made me do some thinking. now, i have had my own "bucket list" in the works for quite some time. At this point, it is close to 40 items long and i am continually adding to that number. It spans everything from learning how to surf, to traveling to various countries, to writing a song. However, as i was driving in the car today, i thought, 'if i could only pick one thing, what would it be? what would i like to leave behind? how would i like to effect the world i live in?" and i was struck with and idea.

what is this o-so-wonderful idea, you ask? Before i die, i would like to open up a coffee house dedicated to fostering Christian artists. the decor would be inspired by the various cultures i have visited, insisting that all are welcome, no matter their background. It would be a place where writers, actors, musicians, photographers, artists and the like could come together as a support group and cultivate art. We would have open mic nights, poetry readings, art showings, staged readings, scheduled music performances. there would also be small groups/ bible studies available in the evenings. Maybe even a worship night or two. It would be a safe place for a Christian artist to try out their Christian work, knowing that there is a group of supportive brothers and sisters sitting in the audience before them, praying them on. It would act as a refuge after a tiring battle in the artists' world. A place filled with vintage tables and comfy chairs, where you could get a cup of coffee and some biscotti, enjoy some music that lifts you up as opposed to challenging everything you hold dear.

now, dont get me wrong. As artists, it is important that we immerse ourselves in challenges. it is important that we enter the world we disagree with and fight for our beliefs, no matter our politcal or spiritual leanings. but sometimes it is nice to have a place to come home to. a place to recharge our batteries and rekindle the fire. As an artist, i would love some good old fashioned christian fellowship with other artists, and that is what this coffee shop would be all about.

Of course, everyone would be welcome, no matter your beliefs. we would welcome you with warm hearts, just glad that you came in for a cup-o-joe this beautiful afternoon. In fact, please do come in. we would love to answer any questions you may have about our mission, and accept any challenges you may offer. im just glad to have met you.

the name of my cafe? Selah. the most beautiful name in the world. While there are many discrepancies to its exact meaning, most agree that it is a Hebrew term used in music. it is frequently found in the psalms and indicates an interlude where the people were to look back and reflect on what had just been sung. Scholars also believe that it may mean forever, or eternal, just like our God, and His love for us. That is exactly what my cafe is for. Let us gather together, one body in Christ, and create art. something new, original and captivating. something that reflects on the almighty glory of our God above. My savior, my father, my friend. Let us shout together as our joy spills our of our hearts and onto the pages, the walls, the tables and chairs of my little cafe. our little cafe. artists united in Christ.

Everyday we have is a gift from God. how will you use it? what is your buried life?

if music be the food of love...

i have decided to teach myself to play the guitar. and, hopefully, by the end of the year, i will write a song. at least, thats the goal. you see, when i hear music, i can feel it in my gut. it completely opens me up. listening to music, creating music. that is when im happiest. and so, i would like to add one more facet to my music creating skills. i think thats a good idea, yes? i have recently found myself listening to songs that require me to jump around my bedroom like an eight-year-old girl, singing into my hairbrush and dancing on my bed. my current obsessions have been "make it mine" and "on love, in sadness" by jason mraz, brilliant musician and future husband. i also listen to the occasional gaga, "one girl revolution" by superchick, "just can't get enough" by sam walker, and "party in the u.s.a" by miley. yes. i know. its a good song and makes my ab workout much more enjoyable. so there.

how is it that music is able to access that remote and often closed place in our souls? even the coldest heart can be moved to tears by a simple melody. Don't believe me? watch titanic without the underscoring. see if you cry then. in fact, you'll probably laugh. music fuels everything. it swoops and soars, an invisible ghost hell-bent on making us feel.. something. anything. it inspires. i am never as driven as i am when listening to "make it mine" or "car crash" by matt nathanson. music is the one language that can transcend any barrier. yes, if music be the food of love...play on.

a new dawn

I can see the sun rising in the distance. a far away cry reaches out to the masses and pleads for understanding, a foreign and rare light in the mist of the eternal dawn. can we see it? can we hold on to our humanity and allow the strife to be swept away as we comfort our brothers and search for this light? i see in your eyes a passion that i long to obtain. perhaps i can hold it in a jar and stare at its beauty. but then it would be no good. love, in theory, serves no purpose. but love, in practice, ah, now that is a different thing all together. it is the fuel that allows us to reach through the mist and find that voice. that one, solitary voice. is it a child? a mother? a warrior? a friend? the constant buzz, that annoying white noise, is a product of my daily life. it can so easily block out the perfect speech of a friend i have yet to meet: different in race, nationality, customs and language. yet we share a voice. i long to meet you. to rise above the talk of others and walk towards you, arms out stretched in love and embrace the foreign voice of my brother. and as i stare into your eyes, i will see your heart and you will see mine, and we'll know that we are not so different after all. and as the sun finally breaks above the horizon, the mist will disappear and a new light, full of clarity and warmth, will fill our world.

Attitude

The longer you live, the more you will come to realize the impact of attitude on your life. Attitude, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, skills, or being gifted. It will make or break a company...a church...a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace that day. We cannot change our past. We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the innevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. And so it is with all of us...We are in charge of our attitudes.

~Charles Swindoll


this quote was given to me by a professor. and so i sit hear today and ask myself: what will my attitude be? i beg you to ask yourself the same question. our attitude can have a significant impact on our lives. It can determine whether we rise to a challenge or allow that challenge to beat us into a mass of irreconcilable self-loathing and disappointment. Accept that obstacle with determination in your heart and a smile on your face. i promise it will make life better.

I Would Like

I Would Like
by Yevgeny Yevtushenko

I would like
to be born
in every country,
have a passport
for them all
to throw
all foreign offices
into panic
be every fish
in every ocean
and every dog
in the streets of the world.
i dont want to bow down
before any idols
or play at being
a Russian Orthodox church hippie,
but i would like to plunge
deep into Lake Baikal
and surface snorting
somewhere,
why not the mississippi?
In my damned beloved universe
i would like
to be a lonely weed,
but not a delicate Narcissus
kissing his own mug
in the mirror.
i would like to be
any of God's creatures
right down to the last mangy hyena--
but never a tyrant
or even the cat of a tyrant.
I would like to be
reincarnated as a man
in any image:
a victim of prison tortures,
a homeless child in the slums of Hong Kong,
a living skeleton in Bangledesh,
a holy beggar in Tibet,
a black in Cape Town,
but never
in the image of Rambo.
The only people whom I hate
are the hypocrites--
pickled hyenas
in heavy syrup.
i would like to lie
under the knives of all the surgeons in the world,
be hunchbacked, blind,
suffer all kinds of diseases
wounds and scars,
be a victim of war,
or a sweeper of cigarette butts,
just so a filthy microbe of superiority
doesn't creep inside.
i would not like to be in the elite,
nor, of course,
in the cowardly herd,
nor be a guard dog of the herd,
nor a shepherd,
sheltered by that herd.
And i would like happiness,
but not at the expense of the unhappy,
and i would like freedom,
but not at the expense of the unfree.
I would like to love
all the women in the world,
and i would like to be a woman, too--
just once...
Men have been diminished
by Mother Nature.
Why couldn't we give motherhood
to men?
If an innocent child
stirred
below his heart,
man would probably
not be so cruel.
I would like to be man's daily bread--
say,
a cup of rice
for a vietnamese woman in mourning,
cheap wine
in a Neapolitan workers' trattoria.
or a tiny tube of cheese
in orbit round the moon.
Let them eat me,
let them drink me,
only let my death
be of some use.
I would like to belong to all times,
shock all history so much
that it would be amazed
what a smart aleck i was.
I would like to bring Nefertiti
to Pushkin in a troika.
I would like to increase
the space of a moment
a hundredfold,
so that in the same moment
I could drink vodka with fishermen in Siberia
and sit together with Homer,
Dante,
Shakespeare,
and Tolstoy,
drinking anything,
except, of course,
Coca-Cola,
--dance to the tom-toms in the Congo
--strike at Renault,
--chase a ball with Brazillian boys
at Copacabana Beach.
I would like to know every language,
like the secret waters under the earth,
and do all kinds of work at once.
I would make sure
that one Yevtushekno was merely a poet,
the second--an underground fighter
somewhere,
I couldn't say where
for security reasons,
the third--a student at Berkeley,
the fourth--a jolly Georgian drinker,
and the fifth--
maybe a teacher of Eskimo children in Alaska,
the sixth--
a young president,
somewhere, say, modestly speaking, in Sierra Leone,
the seventh--
would still be shaking a rattle in his stroller,
and the tenth...
the hundredth...
the millionth...
For me it's not enough to be myself,
let me be everyone!
Every creature
usually has a double,
but God was stingy
with the carbon paper,
and in his Paradise Publishing Corporation
made a unique copy of me.
But I shall muddle up
all God's cards--
I shall confound God!
I shall be in a thousand copies to the end of my days,
so that the earth buzzes with me,
and computers go beserk
in the world census of me.
I would like to fight on all your barricades
humanity,
dying each night
like an exhausted moon,
and resurrecting each morning
like a newborn sun,
with an immortal soft spot--fontanel--
on my head.
And when I die,
a smart-aleck Siberian Francois Villon,
do not lay me in the earth
of France
or Italy,
but in our Russian, Siberian earth,
on a still green hill,
where I first felt
that I was
everyone.

ready...set...GO!

i start a new semester tomorrow and what used to be excitment has turned to fear. i'm questioning my readiness. can i do this? tomorrow begins 12 weeks of being outside of my comfort zone. so man different people have put their confidence in me, and im not sure im up to the task. why do i let that happen. sometimes it gets to the point where i let my fear and self dobt completely paralyze me, fulfilling the thing i was so afraid of. if i were to just take a big breath and jump, id probably be fine. why do i let that happen? im so scared, and i feel so alone in it. everyone else seems so comfortable with their lot. oh god, be with me. its going to be a rough semester. i only pray that this fear causes me to work hard, not crawl into a hole and live in denial. who am i kidding? its time to grow up and live up to my potential. and the only way to do that is to take a risk and DARE TO FAIL. ugh, dare to fail....

the simple life

i have created a new project for myself. it is time to purge myself of the crap that has accumulated over the years in search of a simpler, truer lifestyle. first stop: my closet. how many clothes do i have that i no longer wear? too many. books? check. i have so many books sitting on my shelf that i won't be reading anytime soon. and, if in some distant future, i happen to have a desire to reads these books, i can always use my new library card. (everyone should get a library card. it saves money and trees! think about it :-) ) i need to remove the clutter and give it to someone who can appreciate it. donate these clothes. donate these books. give back. get rid of old papers and junk that sit on your desk and clutter not just your space, but your mind. i ultimately desire to create a newer, truer me. i want to create a space open to creative thought. when i put on my clothes in the morning, i want to feel comfortable in what i am wearing. don't you? now then, lets get started.

stop. think. love.

what is the purpose of art? no matter the art form, it goes back to that age old question that was asked by the greeks pertaining to theatre: is the purpose of theatre to present the world as it is, or as it should be? i look around me and ask, "why am i an artist? what do i have to contribute? what do i want to say with my art?" acceptance? love? the realities of human nature and the heartbreak that often comes with it? i think if i could get others to see god for just a moment, to pause in their busy day and actually see something, i will have succeeded in some fashion.

we are the products of corporate america. between our blackberrys or iphones, twitter and facebook, tv, movies, music, we rarely pause to look at each other and admire the world we live in. we our so invested in our own lives that we never stop to look at someone in the eyes and recognize them as a kindred spirit. companionship can be found in the eyes of a stranger. so i encourage you to take a day for yourself. leave your ipod and mobile at home, go to a park and sit. watch. listen. find your accompaniment in the rustling of leaves and the laughter of children. this is our planet, and in it there is hope.

a fresh start

With the coming of the year 2010, we are offered a second chance, a glimpse of hope in a future not yet realized. the 2000's was a decade of growth and change, a decade of lost identity. there was heartache and confusion, pain and anger, laughter and new-found friends. but along with entering this decade, i have entered adulthood. and so it is time to leave childhood strife behind me and embark on a period of love, confidence and dedication. i struggle with the woman i long to be. i can see her in my mind, but she is so far from the person i am at present. it is almost discouraging - an unobtainable goal teasing me with what i could never have. and so i thought that if i were to write these characteristics down, perhaps it would stand as a promise to myself and to the world i live in that i can, and will be, more. i want to work to live, not live to work. i want to be healthy - working out daily and eating in a way that honors the body god has given me, not destroy it with the chemicals and fat that eat away at me not just physically, but mentally. i want to be comfortable in my own skin. i want to be beautiful both inside, and out - no make-up or hairspray required. i want to be hardworking, dedicated, and leave the years of sloth and an apathetic attitude behind me. i want to be well-read (and with that i have sworn off of tv. except maybe glee. i love glee.) i want to be caring and loving, pouring out my heart to a world in need. i want to be the kind of girl who bakes cookies for her friends on a not-so-special occasion, but just 'cause. i want to be brave. i want to be happy. i want to cry. i want to see the world and maybe touch a life in the process. i want to be a musician, a writer, a photographer, an artist, an actor, a poet, a friend. this is the person i want to become in the coming decade. is it too ambitious? perhaps. but i'm not going to cut myself short by not even trying. i hereby vow to take pride in myself, and my work. i will become this girl one day at a time.